Monday, January 30, 2012

Twilight Zone ????????????

I think I found the "Twilight Zone".....

OK, here's a story for ya!

First off, Saturday I had plans to ride and somehow ended up cleaning the garage all day! How I got off course I am not sure, but Cody and I made a hell of a dent in the mess we call the garage.

So all was not wasted it, was just re-channeled into a job I have been avoiding...

Now the story! Yesterday (Sunday) we hit church and then Wal-Mart for some golden groceries.. From there it was home and unload the car. In the bedroom ,change and load the truck. Out the door I went!!

SC here I come! I get to Pageland and change shoes, 15 miles later I am down in the middle of nowhere, between Angelus and Jefferson!

I am on this nice long downhill and kick it up to the big chain ring in the front and promptly throw the chain off! So I do the old soft pedal trick to get it back on and it jambs up. I back pedal and try again, it goes on and I am happy,,,for 2 minutes..

Now it won't stay in gear! I mean it's jumping all over the place! I stop and concentrate on the barrel adjuster and get nothing!

This carries on for about 10 minutes and I am pissed! I can't even ride the damn thing it's so bad!

So I start walking! Nearest I can remember I am about 3 miles back to a store, I figure if I can make it there somebody will feel sorry for me and give me a ride back to Pageland. If they don't feel sorry for me at least I can give them a 10 for a ride!

So I am about a mile into my walk and thinking about taking my shoes off. Have you ever tried to walk in road bike shoes, it ain't easy!

So far not one single car has passed me yet! Well that's about to change! I hear this rattle trap coming up behind me and I am about to put my thumb out when I hear it start to slow down, things might be changing!

Yep he stops and gets out. When I say "he" I don't want to sound to cliche, but this dude was every bit of 300 pounds and dirty! I am being nice when I just say "dirty".. He was nasty...

Well he pipes up and says "what's wrong",  I politely say " I think I bent my derailleur" then I say "think I can get a ride to Pageland".

I ain't to picky when it comes to a ride, and I need one!

Well he pipes up and says "let me look at it, it's just a damn bicycle". This catches me off guard! The last thing I am thinking is this redneck knows anything about my high end bicycle!

Guess what, he looks at it for all of 10 seconds and says "hell you bent the chain"! With this statement comes a look, you know the look. "Like I am a dumb ass"

The whole time I was looking at it I never even looked at the chain! I was too busy trying to adjust the derailleur!

So as I am sitting there still kinda in shock! He goes to his truck and gets a pair of channel locks and an adjustable wrench.

Before I even realize he is about to fix it he has already twisted the chain back straight! So now I really have a "dumb ass" look on my face!

He fixed it in about 10 seconds!! Alright, I am in business!!

This is where it gets crazy!

As we are standing there talking and all this is going on, he never turned his truck off. Well all of a sudden his truck cuts off!

He starts raising hell! "You know how long it took me to start this piece of s..." "GD this GD that". I ain't sure if it's my fault or not, he is just pissed...

Next thing I know he says "your gonna help me get this s...pile started". OK, I am thinking how the hell is this gonna work?

I got my answer pretty quick! He has already popped the hood and used his broom stick to hold the hood open!

Now he has a hammer in his hand and is telling me to "climb under the hood and hit the starter while he tries to start it"! What the hell, I am in my spandex riding kit and now I am climbing under the hood of a POS truck with the hood held open by a broom stick!

This can't end good!!!!!

Well I do what I am told, like I have a choice! The only option I can see is I refuse and get my ass kicked by a 300 pound redneck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere SC!

I can only imagine what this looks like! Me in my spandex, hanging out from under the hood of a 5 color dirt covered POS Chevy truck and this 300 pound guy sitting there telling me what to do!

It starts! As it starts he gets in and slams the door, he is working the gas pedal to keep it running! "Take down the GD stick and slam the hood" he yells at me!

I do as I am told, "throw that GD hammer and stick in the back I got to go"

Again, I do as I am told!

Next thing I know I am watching this ragged ass truck drive down the road with smoke coming out the back!

I am all by myself again!

What the hell just happened!!!!!!

Nothing left to do but ride my bike! 18 miles later I am back at my truck going home..

Welcome to the "Twilight Zone"........................

1 comment:

  1. That is the craziest story ever. You can't make up stuff like that.